And so she passes

My wife and children took me down to the funeral of my step-mother.  The journey was a little stressful as my wife had thought that the funeral was at 1500 rather than at 1400 but we got there in time.  The older of my two younger brothers was already there and my youngest arrived soon after me.

Being in effect her children, we were the coffin bearers and while I was asked to be at the front as I was the oldest, as my two brothers look taller than me (I insist that I am the tallest, but others think that my little brothers are taller) they are at the front.  It was strange to be so close to so many people as I am used to more social distancing in my job, but I had to comply.

Meeting my aunts and uncles was interesting.  As I have not seen my father in a long period of time, I have not seen them.  One of my brothers is a lot more engaged with them and he had gone to the wake before the funeral where there were more people.  We did talk about my father who was not able to come to the funeral.  When he had seen the body of his wife, he was in a lot of pain from the journey from his nursing home in the taxi and on the wheel chair and my youngest brother who has not seen him in some time said that he looked very different to how he remembered him.  One uncle said that when he had moved in with us when I was younger, that he could not stay as my father drove him mad, and seeing how he had driven so many others away in a way made me feel less guilty about not seeing him since my children were very small.  But my brothers have said that there is little point in me contacting him as he does not seem to recognise them any more and they do not think that he will remember me.

I still feel guilty that my step-mother did not get to see my children as she was very kind of heart.  To be fair, anyone who was able to stay with my father so long had to have a heart of gold.  Her sister was there with her own children who talked about how much she meant to them.  I did speak, but I did not really say much, other than how kind she was and how I was grateful for the love and kindness that she showed my brothers.

Anyway, may she rest in peace.  

Does Earth Day matter in our house

My son is annoyed with me.  He left the television on and left it, again.  I posted this image with the message on social media.  He was not pleased.  I have done so about my daughter in the past, and her behaviour has changed.  I hope the same happens with him.

My wife and I went out for date night tonight, though my son not clearing up his bedroom as promised meant that the start was not as good as I liked.

Arsenal won the Community Shield, and I listened to how it went to penalties on the radio before we left for it.  I hope to watch the highlights tomorrow possibly.

Bigger, not smaller

I weighed myself today,  I have put on weight. I suspect it is because I am no longer cycling to my second job on a Wednesday.  The image for this post is due to an observation made at work last week.

I have been walking more, but not as much as I would like,  I have tried to walk with my daughter or cycle with my son, but both have resisted this.  So I am going to have to try harder by myself now.

The Sleepover

Our family film tonight has been The Sleepover. And it has been more acceptable than Muriels Wedding, and while not as good, as a family film, it is one that has been acceptable to all of us.

Obviously it is not realistic, I mean, a brother and sister spending so much time together and not arguing?  As a fun brainless comedy it is a good film.  Not one that I will be watching again and I am glad we watched it on Netflix rather than paying for it at the cinema.  I would not have been happy to have paid for it.

But it was great for us all to watch it as a family.

In other news, the keyboard on my computer failed today and I have had to buy a keyboard to use my laptop.  I had been intending to cycle to my Wednesday job but did not because of Storm Francis, I decided against cycling into work and worked from home.

Cooking with my daughter was fun.  I forgot to tell her to take the sausages out of the oven and they were a tad overdone, so the kids at at McDonalds.  I am cooking with he kids on alternate Wednesday’s when possible.  This showed why I need to practice more.

Aldeburgh And our August day trip

Today we went to Aldeburgh for a change of scenery.

We had breakfast in Hall Farm near Dedham and then went to the coast where we did a bit of shopping and went for a walk.  The weather was lovely and the view over the North Sea was amazing.

Later we went out for dinner and just had a quiet day overall with two friends coming over afterwards.

Dementia And The Living Years

My Stepmother died today.

I had not seen her in many years, not because of anything to do with her, but instead, because of my father.

After my parents divorced, I lost contact with my father.  He did not make contact with me, despite having contact with my brothers, and I was happy to not contact him either.  She was his third wife, the second leaving him soon after marriage because of the way he was.  I had taken the kids to see him and her, but it did not go well.  My wife was not keen on me taking them again, though if I had in the last few years, they could have got to know her and would have challenged him on his bigotry and intolerance.  Considering how that applied to their  other though, it may have been a good thing not to do so.

She had cared for my two younger brothers when they had gone, though my father also drove my youngest brother away as well.  She looked after him despite her failing health and was not able to care for him last week when we were on holiday.  He now has dementia and had to go into a home, the older of my two younger brothers keeping an eye on him despite being several hundred miles away.  He had to go into a home when her own health failed, but despite optimism that she would come out, she did not.

I wish I had spoken to her and thanked her for looking after him before she died.  My issues with my father should not have influenced how I acted to her.  But that is too late.

I have to decide now if I reconcile with my father.  Or try to.  He had not changed before his diagnosis of dementia according to my brother who was seeing him.  But, is he still the person who I do not want to see?  I owe him lots.  He taught me about maths, taught me how to cycle, and by being a violent and lazy father, taught me what not to do with my children.

I do not know what to do, but dementia is taking him away from the world and if I do want to make contact, I guess the sooner the better.

The Darksaber

My son is very happy.  He now owns a darksaber.  He saw it on Star Wars Rebels and we have both watched it make a brief appearance on The Mandalorian.  He had bought some lightsabers on Amazon before and was disappointed when they broke within 48 hours, but when he saw this, he knew what he wanted to spend the last of his Christmas and Birthday money on...