And so she passes

My wife and children took me down to the funeral of my step-mother.  The journey was a little stressful as my wife had thought that the funeral was at 1500 rather than at 1400 but we got there in time.  The older of my two younger brothers was already there and my youngest arrived soon after me.

Being in effect her children, we were the coffin bearers and while I was asked to be at the front as I was the oldest, as my two brothers look taller than me (I insist that I am the tallest, but others think that my little brothers are taller) they are at the front.  It was strange to be so close to so many people as I am used to more social distancing in my job, but I had to comply.

Meeting my aunts and uncles was interesting.  As I have not seen my father in a long period of time, I have not seen them.  One of my brothers is a lot more engaged with them and he had gone to the wake before the funeral where there were more people.  We did talk about my father who was not able to come to the funeral.  When he had seen the body of his wife, he was in a lot of pain from the journey from his nursing home in the taxi and on the wheel chair and my youngest brother who has not seen him in some time said that he looked very different to how he remembered him.  One uncle said that when he had moved in with us when I was younger, that he could not stay as my father drove him mad, and seeing how he had driven so many others away in a way made me feel less guilty about not seeing him since my children were very small.  But my brothers have said that there is little point in me contacting him as he does not seem to recognise them any more and they do not think that he will remember me.

I still feel guilty that my step-mother did not get to see my children as she was very kind of heart.  To be fair, anyone who was able to stay with my father so long had to have a heart of gold.  Her sister was there with her own children who talked about how much she meant to them.  I did speak, but I did not really say much, other than how kind she was and how I was grateful for the love and kindness that she showed my brothers.

Anyway, may she rest in peace.