My messy desk

Yawn! Knackered. I start to get over one illness, then another comes along. And I have to be working efficiently as I will be on holiday for next week. Not going anywhere, just spending time with the family and trying to make the house more presentable. Which means that I will have to get my desk clear before I go.

The kids are sort of well. My son has an unlimited supply of snot. He was more unwell before, and today has been very clingy. My daughter had her pre-school jabs as she was well enough for them. Second dose of MMR and the pneumonia one. And to be fair, she did really well. I was surprised that the nurse showed her the needles first, but we had told her that she was going to have an injection and got her to play giving one to me. She did go Ow! for the first one, but kept still for the second. I suspect that the box of additive filled sweets that she got to go through before and after the injections helped though!

Anyway, time to go to bed. Good night!

The past is memory, the future a mystery and now is a gift, which is why they call it the present

Evening all.  And in bed with my missus.  And we are both ill.

But never mind, the kids, who were ill are almost back to normal.  This weekend, I took the kids to see my mother (and they also got to see my two brothers for a short period of time) and we watched Kung Fu Panda and the Cannonball Run II.  Also, of course, we have taken time to watch Strictly Come Dancing and my daughter has now watched some of the BBC Narnia series.  I had to have Friday of due to a doctors appointment.  Or rather a hospital appointment.  My wife was concerned I had something serious.  I was not.  Fortunately, I was right, this time.  She was quite concerned about me and her worry has made her stressed, and now she is ill.  Mind you, the rest of us are as well.  Nothing like Swine Flu, just a series of bad colds, one after the other.

Anyway, time to go to bed.  I hope you like the joke.  And good night. 

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

But it is not ABBA!

Evening all.  It has been far too long since my last post.  Right now I am sitting with my daughter at the table waiting for her to eat listening to a playlist on the (ugh, spit) iPod of her songs.  Last weekend, when I played it, she threw her head back and wailed "But it's not ABBA!" which she loves after watching Mamma Mia.  (A film that really straight men should be banned from having to watch.)

And now, by the time I found the links for the paragraph above, she has given up eating.  We have a rule, you do not have to eat everything on your plate, but you do not get dessert if you have not.  TO be fair, she has eaten loads today, while her brother seemed to have held out today for dinner which he gulped down!  

Anyway, have to go.  Hope you all are well.  And that you like the joke below...

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

This was an actual question given on a University chemistry mid term exam.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their belief using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the internet, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it now.

The student wrote the following:

First we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2.If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during fresher’s week that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you" and taking into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct, leaving only Heaven - thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God"

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

Evening. I am posting this before I go to sleep for work tomorrow. It has been a while since my last post.
My family are back at home with me. The house is slowly becoming cleaner, though I type this on our desktop that is covered with dust.

On Saturday night, we went to a wedding. A dear friend of my wife who loves our children (and they love her) got married. The kids loved the wedding. Both liked the clothes my wife (who has excellent taste) chose for them, by daughter loving her dress. While at the wedding, both enjoyed dancing on the dance floor. My son though has a habit of picking up girls. He is fussy. They have to be pretty, and until Saturday night, legal. But then he went for girls his own age (now 17 months). Saying that, he found sparkly things, and went up to young women and handed them to them. And then basked in the attention they gave him. My daughter also loved dancing. When I took her to the bar though (to get her an apple juice) I saw her looking about her. When I asked her what she was doing, she told me that she wanted to make sure that there was no one prettier than her there!

Yesterday, Sally, Simon and the kids, John, Amy and Laura came over for dinner. My daughter and son loved them being there, my daughter taking them up to her room where they being girls tired her clothes on. I am so glad I am a boy. My son spent time with John who is not a year old yet. The great thing is that Laura being older than my daughter by a few years is able to read, and that was enough to give her a bit of encouragement to learn to read later.

Right now, I am reading her the Magican's Nephew, having read her the Lion the Withch and the Wardrobe which she loved. After I have read her the tales of Narnia, I am going on to the Winne the Pooh stories that Lynn gave her so many years ago.

And today, I finally nearly finished the climbing frame/slide/swing that I started to set up so many months ago, thanks to Steve, that is Lynns partner.

Anyway, I have to go to bed, and can not be bothered to post links on this post. Goodnight and hope you enjoy the joke...


An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better.I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.So what do you think about that, Doc?'
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story:

'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunterand never misses a season.
One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?' asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

The doctor replied, 'My point exactly.'

Adultish content

Evening all.  I have spent a great weekend with the kids.  My wife went to a hen night (I will see if I can upload a video at a later date) and so I had the kids on the Saturday night.  As I was at my parents-in-law it was no big deal.  Mind you, when I have had them at home before, it was not big deal.  Apart from my son screaming for a few hours.

So I took them to spend time with my side of the family.  My two brothers and my Mum.  And Dougal of course.  We went to Highgate park where the kids played in a park and my daughter ran about with Dougal.  Considering that she used to be terrified of him, this is a big step.  Anyway, hope you like the joke and good night.

A wife arrived home from a shopping trip and was shocked to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out, "Perhaps you should hear how all this came about."

"I was driving home on the highway when I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled. I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten about in the fridge.

She was barefooted, so I gave her your good sandals that you had discarded because they had gone out of style.

She was cold so I gave her the sweater that I bought for you for your birthday but you never wore because the color didn't suit you.

Her pants were torn, so I gave her a pair of your jeans, which were perfectly good, but too small for you now.

Then, just as she was about to leave, she asked me, 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore'?"

The Clone Wars

Again it has been good to spend the day with my children.  Once again, I am now at home.  

Come the morning, after being woken up by both of them, I took them downstairs and let my daughter watch Clone Wars.  She loved it.  My son loved spending time with me as well.  Taking him to the shops, he sat on my shoulders, walked about with me and looked for attention as always!  I can not wait until he is old enough to watch the films.  Mind you, I can not wait until my family are back at home with me!

I hope you like the joke...  

A woman who had been married twice and divorced twice was fed up. Her first husband beat her, and her second husband ran away with another woman. Plus, she couldn't find a new lover who could satisfy her sexually, so she put an ad in the classifieds:

"Wanted: A good looking, single guy who won't beat me, won't leave me, and is good in bed."

About a week later, her doorbell rings. She opens the door to find a man with no arms and legs on her front porch.

"I'm here about your ad," he says.

"You must be mistaken," she says.

"Let me explain," he says. "I can't beat you, I don't have any arms. And I can't run away, because I don't have any legs." 

"But," she asks, "How do I know you're good in bed?"

"I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Health links

I just thought that I would post this to help me on Yahoo answers when answering questions about healthcare.  The facts connect you to links about them.  Feel free to e-mail me on Yahoo answers if you have a query about them, or if you feel that they are wrong.    
FACT - Insurance companies in the USA admit to pushing up prices, buying politicians and not paying out claims when they should
FACT - PER PERSON the USA spends more on healthcare than any other nation on the planet
FACT - Obama debated his plans before the election for healthcare
FACT - the chance of a child under five of dying in the USA is greater than industrialised nations with universal healthcoverage
FACT - Obama was elected by the American people to bring in change
FACT - Obama wants to stop insurance companies from screwing the American people
FACT - The reforms Obama wants work in the Netherlands and in Switzerland
Sorry of this causes offence to some.  That is not the intent and I am always open to debate.