how do you know if the police are on your estate? All the toilets flush at once.

Evening all. The end of a long day. My mother-in-law has come back from holiday and tomorrow morning the kids get taken to my mother at 0830!

So good night and enjoy the joke.

I am ugly and I haven't had a sex in years.

My friend suggested that I went to a night club and used Rohypnol.

So I did it last night, and I can't remember a thing.    

These wind farms you see everywhere are ridiculous. As if this country doesn't have enough wind of its own without wasting electricity making more of it by running these big fans.

Evening again.  

I just remembered what one of the people at my work told me to post on my blog.

And this video, is for you.  And until today, it was for me as well.

Going back to the kids, they have had a play date today.  Or rather, my daughter did.  She had two friends come round, and of course, my son got to play with them as well.

By the time the two of them came to my work, they were still full of energy.  And on coming into the room that until today, I used, they loved it.  Balloons, lots of them.  Which of course, they took home.  The balloons were from the girls at work.  Along with the blow up doll, the chocolates and the genuine comments they gave me.  I will miss them.

Sorry to rant again! 

Have another joke which I hope make you laugh...

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been withdrawn from service.. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'. The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.' The passenger was unimpressed.
He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?' Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. 'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.' With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, Gritted his teeth and said,'Fuck You!' Without flinching, she smiled and said, 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too.'

Welsh Definition of Safe Sex: Marking up the sheep that kick.

Evening all.

I am free!

And of course, until Monday, I an unemployed.

But the sense of liberation is overwhelming.

I am lucky to have a great family.  They came up to help me clear my room.  When at work, the girls there got me more stuff.  After lunch, in my room there was a Phillipa Hole to be seen.  I entered my room to find it strewn with cards rating me out of ten, sexy knickers, and the patient on the bed.  A blow up doll, with tasty chocolates in certain holes!

While I do not think that the doctors there fully appreciated me, it is nice to know that everyone else did.  And it makes me sad to leave them.  Really sad.

But, I am free! 


Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies.

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

I have mixed emotions.  

I left work and packed up a lot of my things before I left.  I am still glad that I am leaving, but I am sad that I am leaving both patients and most the people I work with.  They keep saying that they will miss me, and I can not help but think that will be true.  I know it sounds big headed to say that.  But I know that I will miss them.  

Do not get me wrong, leaving is the right thing for me to do.  Both for me, and because my workplace will not change, for it as well.  But I have worked there for eight years and it is hard to do.  Even though I am told things will change, things do not.



Anyway, I guess that I had better go to bed soon.  

I hope you like the joke. 

A young man burst through the doors of the surgery and shook the doctor by the hand.
"Thank you doctor, thank you so much," he said. "you couldn't possibly imagine how how much I've benefited from your treatment."
The doctor looked puzzled. "But your not one of my patients," he said.
"That's right," replied the man, "but my mother-in-law was, and I've just come from her funeral!"

My hatred of Man Utd is a 90 minute thing. 16 times a day. 7 days a week.

One more day...



Tomorrow is my last day. Jo at work is planning something, and knowing her, it will be very memorable, for all the wrong reasons for me!




Today my son woke up at 0520.  He did that yesterday as well.  I have not been sleeping well in the last few nights so having to wake up extra early because of him is not that appreciated.  Mind you, on Monday when he said (for the first time) "Daddy come into my room" I was a lot more understanding.  He is learning new things with speech every day.

And his sister, not learning as fast, mind you, she is four, but she is picking up loads.  She does like to pretend that she is blonde though.  Not that she pretends ot have yellow hair, but she is very good at coming across as knowing less than she actually does! 







Breaking News

Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female
hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of
beer

and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without
making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to
apologize when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

If you get arrested for stealing hay, do you automatically get bail?

Two days left! I feel guilty about leaving the patients whom I have built up a relationship with. And as noted on other days, most the staff at work. But that is it! On Monday, I start work much close to home in a workplace that appears that it will value and support me more. Even if or does not, at least I will be closer to home.



So today, I did some agency work to get some cash before my pay cut.  And on getting home, I got to pick up the kids from nursery.  Normally they go on a Monday, and this week they did.  Due to Bank Holidays, they have 'extra' days.  And today was one.  I went to work, they went to nursery.  And on being picked up, I was there!  The hug I got from my son! He has never hugged me as hard as he did.  My daughter loved seeing me as well.  And afterwards, I got to take them to the shops to get the paper and of course, some sweeties for them and a lottery ticket.  I used to win £10 every other week before I went out with my wife.  But since winning the lottery of love, I have only won once, that was four numbers on a midweek draw when I got around £40.  But I would rather be with my wife than have several million pounds.




And back to the topic of moving on.  Five days, and I start my new job!

 

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?

Evening all.  
Three days to go.






The kids today went bowling.  My wife took them with Barbara and her kids, Lizzie and Henry.  Before then, they had a play date which resulted in them getting rained on.  Apparently, the kids loved it.  My son came first with 109, my daughter second with 92.  I must make a mental note not to go bowling with them!  Anyway, I have to go.  I have work to go to tomorrow. 




A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like "George!

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "George Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to George Sullivan, every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not George Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "You got that right!. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But George Sullivan, he could do everything right."

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But George, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to George Sullivan."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met George. He died. I'm married to his fucking' widow."