Another run out for the teenagers

Aquilani to make bow in dead rubber

I was feeling really ill yesterday.  My son was not too well then either.  He, like me is not 100%, but is getting better.  Snotty nose and all that.  So yesterday I was in bed practically all day.  My son had to get some kip he not being too well on the weekend, but getting worse on Monday night.  My daughter was quite concerned, asking me if I was going to go to heaven and asking my wife if I was ever going to get out of bed!  But she was quite kind and told me a story.  

Unfortunately, that meant time off work, but trust me, I would rather have gone into work than felt as ill as I did!  On the bright side, I did get to watch a video on YouTube that I have been meaning to watch for ages.  

Anyway, I took my kids out for a walk to get the paper earlier.  My son is now with me playing on his toy laptop while I post this, and my daughter has gone out with my wife to the shops while we wait for the playhouse they are going to get for Christmas to be delivered.  

The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?"

The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some cunt in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."

War. Gods way of teaching us geography.

Arsenal 2 Stoke 0

How we did not score more goals in that game is amazing.  No recognised centre forward.  And we won.  And we should have had many more goals.

Anyway.  Back to the kids.  My son on the weekend refused to eat grapes as my wife had not put them on the plate.  He got into a strop, as my wife had put them down on a table, looked at her, then put them on a plate.  And then started to eat them.

Anyway, did my night shift.  Come the morning, got some much needed sleep and woke up to my wife banging on the door as she tried to come in the house.  Apparently, her idiot husband had put the chain on!  Spent time playing with the kids.  My daughter watched Kindergarten Cop which was interesting.  More so as I can understand the effect kids have on you more now!  

I am sure there is more to type about, but I am knackered and want to go to sleep.  Good night, and enjoy the joke.

My girlfriend Alice is paying for me to get a tattoo of my ex-girlfriend's name removed from my arm as my Christmas present.

Fuck that, I'm getting her a deed poll, she's changing her name to Jodie.

Tiger Woods has achieved the impossible. He's made Golf interesting.

Wenger: No regrets over Hughes spat

Well, it has now been reported.  Not that many who watched the match will be surprised as the language was easily to make out thanks to lip reading.  And the professor himself has decided to talk about it, or rather not.  

Anyway, took the kids to Bluewater today.  My wife drove down first and I followed with the kids later after feeding them.  Which meant I got to spend the morning with them, feeding them and having a laugh with them as well.  Now, I am at her parents, trying to sleep as I am working over night tonight.  Well, I did fall asleep, but then my wife came in to check up on me, and now I can not get back to sleep!  Anyway, while there, she saw some Storm Troopers, some Clone Troopers, and Darth Maul.  Having managed to make her love Star Wars, she loved it, especially when she went into John Lewis and actually shook hands with Darth Vader himself!  And to make matters even better, she is now watching Return of the Jedi.  Which made things a bit of a problem when my mother phoned to talk to her from abroad as she wanted to watch the film.  Mum, if you are reading this, phone tomorrow at 1900 GMT and she will be ready to speak.

So I am reading up on the football, and the world cup draw.  

So, with North Korea being drawn in the same group as Portugal, is anyone else hoping that Kim Jong-il has Cristiano Ronaldo assassinated?

What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian.

Well, it is almost the weekend, and I am at home with my wife watching Spooks.  So far, she has not taken a golf club to me.  Have been back at work, and yes, I do like it.  I did manage to spend Wednesday with the kids.  And my wife.  (She is enjoying a banker being tortured right now by Ros who has lost the plot a bit.)

Anyway, an update on the kids.  My daughter has been to a birthday party where she sang.  My son has been to a baby gym (well, he is a toddler) and loved it.  Both happened yesterday.  Now, to bed.  Well, after Spooks... 

Apparently, the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said, “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning? Clubbing

What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.

Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems. Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.

It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing: better control over his putz.

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.

Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine. Know how to tell them apart? Elin is the one holding the bent 5 iron.

What do Tiger and the Beatles have in common? They both experienced a hit with Norwegian Wood.

First words spoken to the paramedics by Tiger: Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my living room?

A shame the article missed the swear words...

Manchester City 3-0 Arsenal / Sport / Home - Morning Star

Oh well, we lost.  But the newspaper reports are biased.  They seem to forget the language Mark Hughes was using.  I am not sure I would shake hands with a man who spent the 90 minutes swearing loads about my team...

Adebayor prepares to meet old foes / Sport / Home - Morning Star

Adebayor prepares to meet old foes / Sport / Home - Morning Star

I am concerned.  Are we going to win.  Shitty are a good side.  Despite the run of draws that they have had.  And the two ex-Gunners are going to have something to prove.  Well, I know my team can win.  Will they win though...

An eye chart to frustrate us men

Well, it is the last few days of my holiday.  And although I am going back to work officially on Monday, I am going to temp on Saturday which means my holiday will be over sooner rather than later.  Yesterday we spent time in Bicester, doing some shopping, having spent the day before in Oxford.  The hotel was nice, breakfast was great.  Unfortunately, dinner did not suit my wife.  I liked it, but not only was service not as good as I would have liked (at first to be fair, it got better later) but they got our bill wrong.  Now, as I said, breakfast, brilliant.  Even my daughter, who I am convinced is solar powered (as she eats so little) loved it!  My son loves the time I am spending with him, though he still likes to try and take me on.  He and my daughter have started to play fight at times, and now both want to wrestle with me.  Fun, though at times, my son will get carried away.

Anyway, I hope you find this funny...

An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, 'Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. It is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.'

No one moved.

The preacher continued, 'Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.'

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, 'Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.'