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Saturday, 4 July 2009

A day out with the kids

Evening all.  This is to be my first post on this blog.  I did have a blog on Yahoo 360, but Yahoo have decided to get rid of it.  I moved it to my Yahoo Profile page, but I am not too sure I like the blog format that they have there.  So, I have decided that the easiest thing to do is start a new one here.  I was able to move my posts from 360 to the profile page, so there is going to be an archive of the posts I have made in the past.  I did try to import the blog here, but that did not work, and I did consider posting each blog entry here individually, but that would take too long with over 100 entries on the other site!

It is a shame that the 360 site is closing as there was so many good things about it.  But I guess all good things must come to an end.

Anyway, I have not been posting on my blog much of late, so here is an update.

Our house is having building work done.  It has been going on for a few weeks, and now, the kitchen is being expanded.  Which means that we have no kitchen.  With two children, that is not good.  I am staying at home on most days, but on the other ones, I am commuting down to stay with the rest of the family who are staying at my wife's parents.  And yes, it is tiring.

Today, we took the kids to Epping Forest.  Had an icecream (a Mr Whippy) and then went for a walk.  Unfortunately, my daughter got scared.  And she screamed and screamed.  I placated her by putting her up on my shoulders.  And I thought it worked.  Till she vomitted over me!  Needless to say, that ended our walk.  We are going to have to get her over her fear of forests especially as it is lovely to go there.  Later, when she was much calmer, she said she was worried that we would get lost.       

Blow Job Etiquette - A Lesson From Women To Men

1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful
3. I don’t care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone’s face.
4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON’T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Do you really WANT puke on your penis?
7. I don’t care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it’s “hummer week” - get it through your head - I’m bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don’t feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can’t have sex right now.
9. Extension to #8 - “Blue Balls” might have worked on high school girls - if you’re that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Paracetamol.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don’t tell me I’ve just “wrecked it” for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behaviour to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it’s probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we’re good at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn’t particularly taste good. And I don’t care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don’t get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because “it’s awake” when you get up does not mean I have to “kiss it good morning”

Blow Job Etiquette From A Male Viewpoint

1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
12. Make hay when the sun shines. it's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old and fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep".
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you?


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