Hands. Face. Space.

 

It is not too hard really.  

Wash your hands.

Wear a facemask.

Keep distant from others.

Sadly, yesterday, we heard that Cineworld are to mothball cinema's.  This is understandable as without something to scrub COVID from the air, they are going to be sites where the disease can spread and people, understandably do not want to catch the plague.  So when our Prime Minister said to visit the cinema, this really is against common sense when it comes to avoiding COVID infections and reducing the spread of this condition.

Normally, this post would be about that.  But Trump has decided to be even more insane.  He has told people not to be afraid of a condition that has killed over 200,000 Americans.  Our Prime Minister said no such thing when he contracted this condition.  Donald Trump also decided to walk into the White House NOT WEARING A MASK after making his speech on the balcony.  I would like to think that he put his mask on once inside, but it is important to spread public health messages during this pandemic and also to be seen leading by example from the front.

I have said in the past that Donald Trump reminds me of the person in a disaster movie that puts others in danger.  And he literally is doing this now.    

A religious funeral for an atheist

Well, that was bizarre.

It was the funeral of my father today.  With numbers limited due to COVID, only a few people could come.  I saw some aunts and uncles from my fathers side of the family who I had seen at the funeral of my stepmother but also some cousins who I have not seen in years.

My brother (who had continued to keep in touch with him) organised the funeral and was under a lot of pressure to make it a religious one.  Due to this, it was a bit religious.  I missed the viewing which was at my fathers house (or rather that of his wife as his finances were in a mess).  While part of me wanted to take the children to see their grandfather, we were to go to my wife’s parents and she did not wish to expose them to any potential risk of Covid that we would have by going now.

We ate a late lunch at her parents before driving to the crematorium. While I had been dropped off there before, this time, we all went to see it. We arrived earlier than my father, who despite what my mother had said during the time they were together, was not late for his own funeral.

Sadly for my father the service was partly religious and I did not feel suited his needs best. However my brother was under a huge amount of pressure to have a religious ceremony and managed to keep it mostly non-religious.  The first person to speak about him spoke about my fathers views on human rights and equality which was quite strange considering my father could be very racist about certain groups of people. When it came to equality he did not seem to believe in equality of the sexes but rather equality for specific groups of men. His heart was in the right place, if you are a wife-beating racist misogynist, and allowing for that, he was a nice man.

I am glad my wife and children came.  For my children it was for my fathers family to see them.  Seeing some cousins who I had not seen for many years was strange.  One my aunts talked to me about my father, but seemed to be unaware of just how bad he was to my mother.  Luckily no one talked to be about him being a great man, for I would have found it hard not to correct them.

There were a few good things about my father though.  He loved me and my brothers in his own way and did teach me about maths and science.  I will treasure the good memories that I have of him, and will try to ensure that part of his legacy is that my children have a lot more nice memories of me when I pass,

So Trump has COVID19

At the time of posting this, President Trump has tested positive for COVID-19 and has mild symptoms.  One of my children on finding out said that they wished that he died of this, a view that not only I disagree with, but told them off for expressing it. 
Back in March, there was a similar issue when Nadine Dorries developed symptoms of COVID-19 and one of my elected representatives posted something about it which I felt was out of order.  I despise many of the views of Nadine Dorries, but she had not contributed to COVID being worse, denied it's existence, ignored advice to isolate or underplayed it's significance.     
Trump has acted in a disgraceful manner.  His campaigns have contributed to an increase in cases of COVID, and he has not led by example when it comes to preventative matters such as the use of facemasks.  
Do I wish that he dies due to this?  No.  If he does, I will consider it justice.  While I am religious, he is not going to feature in my prayers, as I feel there are others who deserve the intervention of god far more than he does.  
But, if he does die, I think that there will be an increased vote for the GOP in the US elections in November as many republicans will not vote for him and some are active in campaigning against him.  

The legacy of my father

I have decided how I am to remember my late father.  I am going to donate some money to a women's refuge.  Ideally our local one.  
My mother, when pregnant with my youngest brother took us away from my abusive father, and for that, I am very grateful.  I suspect that I may have become a wife beater like my father if she had stayed with him.  There were many good things about my father, but there were many things which where not that good either.
It has been strange returning to work as quite a few people have expressed their sympathy over his passing.  But fathers are not meant to be wife beaters.  I know that he could have been even more violent to me and that others I know had more abusive fathers.  So in a way I am grateful that he was not even worse.
Anyway, it is going to be his funeral on the weekend.  I will say a few nice words about him.  But there is only a few things I can really say as I am going to avoid how bad he was.  Unless people decide to tell me how 'great' he was.

My father is dead.

My father died yesterday.

I got a message from the older of my two brothers early in the morning that he had got worse, had been admitted and that he could have visitors.  My father was not able to have them before and there had been issues finding a bed for him.  Speaking to my brother, I could tell how upset he was.  I drove down and collected my youngest brother, work were understanding and let me go.  When we got there, we had a chat before we took it in turns to be with him.  I sent my brothers away for food at first, and they came back when one of my cousins arrived.  She stayed with him for a bit and was kind enough to give my youngest brother a lift to my Mum’s house.  I sent my other brother to his hotel to get some sleep as he had not been able to sleep the night before due to rowdy guests in the room below him.

My father has understandably changed since I saw him last.  That was over ten years ago when I took my kids to see him without the consent of my wife.  He spent the time ignoring them and speaking to me.  He said a few racist things which would have affected my children as they are mixed race, but did not care about them being there (they were too young to understand what he was talking about).  He, or I suspect, my Step-Mother, did by a toy for my daughter, and as noted before I do regret not seeing her again.  On occasions, I had thought about taking the children back to see him, but as they got older, they would understand his hatred and bitterness when he spoke, so I did not.

Being with him, I talked to him about my children, skirting away from anything about them that would remind him of my mother.  I suspect he still blames her for the times that he beat the crap out of her and I did not want to go there.  My cousin had talked about how many men are not good husbands, but I do not know if she was aware of just how violent he was to me and how he was even worse to my mother.  So I talked about the few good memories I have of him, how he taught me how to cycle, my increasing love of it, how I taught my children how to ride bikes.  I talked about how my son goes to a STEM school and what it meant as he trained as an engineer and felt that the only important subjects to learn were science and maths.  I talked about my daughter being in a Grammar School and how both children appear to be interested in science.  And I talked to him about politics when I ran out of other things.

I am glad I was with him.  My brother was concerned that he was suffering, but seeing him, I knew from those who I have treated that he was dying and was doing so peacefully.  I did not understand why he has fluids and antibiotics being given as he looked close to death, but they were stopped.  A Tissue Viability nurse was going to check the bed sore he got at home (he refused all help except that from my stepmother which is why he got it) but when I pointed out that he was dying, agreed to leave him and asked me about when it came about (I have my brother to thank for those answers).

He had a fit before he died.  I did not recognise it at first, but it quickly became apparent he had one.  I know that this did not cause him any distress but for those who have not seen a fit, it can be quite alarming.  I let the nursing staff know so that they could give medications to stop it happening again, but his breathing slowed down after he fit.  I rang my brothers and his last breath was when I asked them to come.  The nurse came in very soon after to give him the medications to prevent another fit, but he had died peacefully by then.

I am glad I was with him.  His fit would have upset my other brothers as they would have been concerned that he has suffered before his death, but I know from my job that as alarming as it appeared, he was still peaceful.  Also, the older of my two brothers really needed his rest.

My mother was upset by his death.  She remembers the man she fell in love with, not the one who brutally beat her, and she feels guilty that she could not look after him.  My oldest brother is to arrange his funeral. My father was a staunch atheist and there is pressure from many relatives to have a religious service.  I am hopeful that his funeral will respect his views on God.

The Wedding Year

Yesterday we watched this film.  After returning from work, my wife and I flitted about each other and after her amazing lunch she picked a film for us to watch.  We do share interests in similar films, but my first choice would not have been this film.

And I would have been wrong.  I really liked the film.  The two main characters were engaging and I liked how they developed.  In addition, the film struck the right balance between humour and angst.  What was interesting was how some of the weddings were more realistic.  Not all were set in fairytale settings, an issue that annoys me about some films.

This is a film I would watch again and one that I would certainly recommend to others.

Absent fathers

My dad is not well.  He has been taken into hospital with his blood sugar levels and being poorly responsive.  I have not seen him for about twelve years, but with his dementia, he is unlikely to remember who I am.  My older of my younger brothers has travelled to London to be near him, he being the son who he approved of the most.

It is strange watching Us.  The relationship between a father who I am becoming more like every year and his son.  My son watched a bit, until I bought him the guitar he wanted.  My daughter watched more but has left now.  All, my wife included feel that I am becoming too much like Douglas.

But at least I am still about.  When I was the age of my children, my parents had been divorced.  I would see my father on weekends but enjoyed the time that he did not collect me more and more.  He felt my mother drove a wedge between me and him, but it was his behaviour to us and my mother that did it.  I did not see if he was bad to his second wife, but his third stuck by him and was an angel for doing so.

Looking at quotes about being a father is strange.  I aspire to be a good father, he was of the view that being my biological one was good enough.  He did teach me lots when I was younger and my love of maths and science was thanks to both he and my mother.  But I also like to think that he taught me how not to be a father.

I do not bear him ill will, and what ever happens to him, I hope he does not suffer.