Brain dead today and it is my appraisal!

Arsenal sweat on Cesc injury

Afternoon all. That is afternoon to all who decide to read this.

Am in bed finishing the final touches to my appraisal documents which are going to be looked at today. I have to admit, this year I have not been as keen to retain my edge as I have been in previous years. So it will be interesting. You know, at times, I almost feel sorry for those who appraise me. I look at it as an opportunity to develop myself. Which means that in order to get the best out of it, I need to bear all. Warts and all. The big down side though is that I am going to miss the Arsenal match against Barcelona. I am confident that we should win. We came close in the European cup final in the past, and when teams are foolish enough to play football against us, we win.

Anyway, my family are having their nap next to me. It has been great being with the kids today. Have not had that much energy, and my brain is refusing to get out of second gear, but they always make me smile. To describe them as, well anything, just does not do them justice. Today, while feeding them lunch, my daughter asked my to be nasty to her when I was trying to get her to eat! So I obliged. She should have known better! But other than that, I think that they have liked the time they have spent with me today. Assuming I get home from my appraisal in time, I might even get to read them a bed time story. But I doubt it.

Anyway, time for that joke, then back to getting things ready for my appraisal.


500 years ago when men went to war it was common for them to force their wives to wear chastity belts while they were away. Therefore, in the meantime, only a locksmith could remove these chastity belts. This probably explains why 'Smith' is the most common name in the phonebook.

Classic Oriental Colchester review

Wenger sweating on Fabregas fitness


Evening all.

First of all, the match. We drew. Which means that we have fallen behind in the title race. I do not think that we were bad, but rather Birmingham were good. Chances were had by both teams, and we had more and better ones. If we had put more away, we would still be in second place. Instead we are in third and need several results to go our way if we are to have a chance of taking the title.
Anyway, since Wednesday, I have had to work late at work so have not seen my lovely kids that much. Till yesterday that is. However, I have not been able to make the most of things as I have been taken down with a virus. I am hoping that it is not the one that made my wife have to take to bed for a week at her parents. But today I am still knackered. Anyway, the kids have been great. Normally I like to take them for walks. But this weekend, I have not been able to. In fact, they instead have spent time in the garden. I still have to make the climbing frame safe for them. Since putting it up, I need to tighten the bolts. I guess it would have helped if it had been put up on level ground rather than on the uneven grass that is our lawn. And I guess it would help if I had a single bone of DIY in my body. But even when I am not 100%, it is a pleasure and an honour to be around them. And of course my wife.
Yesterday, Lynn and Steve came round and helped with a few jobs my wife does not trust me to do. Also we took the kids out to the shops, and also to Homebase. That was of course before Steve and Lynn came round. I managed to do somethings, like put bark chips down where the kids playhouse is of if they fall, it should not hurt too much. And then once they came round, they kids loved it. Steve is liked by the kids, but they do love Lynn! Anyway once the kids were in bed, beer (wine for the ladies) and food from our local Chinese takeaway, Classic Oriental in Prettygate. A review of which I now have put up on Google. If you have clicked here to read about it can can not be bothered to click on the link above, try it. I think that it is a great takeaway.

Anyway, time to end this with a joke...
A French man has the new world record for having 13 fingers and 12 toes. He said he wants to move to a place where he will be treated as a normal person.

I hear he has just moved into a place in Norfolk.

Arsenal 2-0 West Ham

Arsenal 2-0 West Ham

Evening all.  Spent the weekend with the kids.  Mostly.  Friday, watched a film with the lads.  The Hurt Locker.  An interesting film, and one that it was nice to be able to watch.  Too depressing for my wife to watch really.

Anyway, my wife was ill last week and spent a lot of time down at her parents.  Which meant that I did not get to see my kids that much.  So when I saw them on Saturday, it was even better than normal.  Sunday, took them to the zoo which they loved.  And spending time with them was brilliant.  Today, took them to a farm shop, they loved the chickens and want some.  Not something I am too keen on.  Anyway, time to send some pictures if I can.

Hope you like the joke.  The video below is what my daughter likes watching right now.

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Oxford :

"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.

Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of you realises the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it.

Can anyone tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 70 year old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said,

"Wedding Cake."

The definition of irony - A man who walks outside for fresh air but then smokes.

Good day to you all. My kids are back. Though with my wife not being that well, they might be gone again tomorrow. Spent today with them, and bless them, they still love me, even though they have not seen me for the last two days.

Anyway, knackered after working very late last night.

A duck hunter is out early one morning hunting ducks. He's not having a lot of luck and he's about ready to pack it in and go home.
Then he catches a break and shoots a duck. The duck falls to the ground on the other side of a fence. He hops the fence to grab the duck
and a farmer appears from nowhere and asks "What are you doing with my duck?" The hunter says "That's my duck! I shot it." The farmer replies "Doesn't matter -- it's on my land. But I'll tell you what. We'll take turns kicking each other in the nuts as hard as we can until one of us gives up. The winner keeps the duck. Oh, and I kick first." So the farmer winds up and kicks the hunter square in the nuts. The pain is so awful the hunter throws up and then collapses. 10 minutes later, he tentatively gets to his feet and says "Okay, my turn."

To which the farmer replies "That's okay, you can keep the duck."

Hull 1-2 Arsenal

Hull 1-2 Arsenal

Well, determination won the match yesterday.  I did not get to watch it, but was able to listen to the second half on Five Live.  I might watch the highlights later.

Anyway, Mothers Day.  My wife is unwell.  I was at work yesterday so my wife drove down to her parents and I followed later.  I was hoping to take the kids to see my Mum yesterday, but I did not finish at work till late so took them this morning.  And I suspect that it was the best Mothers Day present my mother could have to see my kids.  The older of my two brothers was about to tame Dougal.  My kids love the dog.  And of course my mother and my two brothers.  My daughter is a bit wary of my youngest due to his druid like facial hair.  Left while the Grand Prix was going on, which in hindsight was a good thing if, as many say, it was dull.  So, I am at home alone and about to go to bed.  I hope you all like the joke...

A hunter was walking through the woods when he happened upon a grove, in it there was lying a beautiful, naked, young woman; The hunter stared at her breathlessly for a few moments' as she looked up at him seductively, rubbing her thighs.
The hunter finally asks her "Are you game?"
she giggling and replied "I certainly am!"

So he shot her.

Arsenal 5-0 FC Porto - WE ARE THROUGH!!!

Arsenal 5-0 FC Porto

Well, let me start on the Arsenal first of all.  We needed to win after out 2-1 defeat in Oporto last month.  Loads of people thought that it would be an easy game, but Porto had pace and skill.  Yes we were unlucky to lose back then, but you could also argue that Porto deserved the win.  But what a win!  The team came together and yes, if we can keep that spirit together, we can beat anyone.  And of course, this means that with Nasri in midfield we no longer need Fabregas.

Anyway, back to the family.  Since my last post, we have had my son's birthday party.  Aged two, he liked the party which my four year old daughter loved more.  But amongst the presents, he got a remote control car (thanks Claire) which he loves to bits.  And a Jo Jingles which he takes to sleep every night.  When taking them back home from seeing my Mother, they were listening to the Black Eyed Peas and now both the kids are hooked on them!  

Back to me, have watched V for Vendetta which was a great film.  I have had the DVD for a year or two.  A bit like how the UK would be if the BNP ever took power.

Anyway, time for the joke, then bed.  

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad.' With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.


'Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.



I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. 

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.



Love, your son, Joshua.



P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home :)

And good night all.