Stoke 3-1 Arsenal

Stoke 3-1 Arsenal

Oh well, we were beaten. Did not get a chance to watch the match unfortunately. I have been not well for the last two days and today was better. Which meant that I had to drive down to London. I am busy with a birthday next weekend, and we have run out of supplies of certain foods, which meant a trip down to COSTCO. In addition, we needed to pop in somewhere, and while having lunch, I was phoned by my mother who has just got back from abroad. So we went to a different COSTCO and met up with my family for a few minutes. As my mother has a cat, my wife can not visit my mother any more. She was able to after the last cat died, but now there is a new one...

Anyway, the kids have opened some late Christmas presents, and they love them. My daughter has a Star Wars and a Doctor Who annual. She loves both. My son has some vegetables to but up, to say he loves them is an understatement. The kids did have some toy vegetables before, but alas they were lost in bits. He now is in bliss, cutting and cooking with the kitchen they have down stairs.

Here is hoping we top the table

Rejuvenated Gunners eye top spot

Evening all.  Just thought that I would need to post an update on the kids.  I am tempted to get my wife to e-mail me about the kids and then post as she is far funnier than I am.

At work, this has been a bad few weeks for me.  Snow has meant that I have not been able to get to work as early as I would like, and now, I am attending a course which means that I am not able to get enough rest at the end of the day.  My wife is ill in bed, my daughter coming down with something as well, which means I am concerned that I might get something as well.

Because my son was unwell last week, he did not get to go to nursery last week, and as he gets on well with his sister, my wife kept both at home to entertain each other.  This week though, he got to go.  He does not like going there.  He prefers to be at home with my wife (or me on the rare occasions that I am at home on a Monday).  But this time he was mostly fine.  My daughter of course loves it there.  One of the two boys she is keeping on the go goes there.

So yesterday, when they go to pre-school he was not keen on going as he felt that he was going to go to the nursery.  When I say they go to pre-school, he does not.  His sister does.  He has charmed the women who run it though, so when he goes, it will be fun to see what he tries to get away with.  My son though screamed once he saw where they were and tried to drag my wife to the play group he does go to.  It is set in a church and at the end, the kids are sung hymns and some join in.  My son did not.  He decided to join some of the kids who were playing with a tapestry at the back of the stage.  And he managed to take out a thread!  A vandal and he is not even two!

Anyway, I hope you like this...

Earlier this evening I was walking home, when a beautiful flaxen-haired girl leaned over a hedge and beckoned me into a field.

 

When I entered the field, I could see she was dressed solely in a fleece robe, which flowed down to her ankles.

 

She smiled at me and without a word, let the robe fall from her shoulders, revealing her naked body beneath.

 

Her ample breasts and smooth thighs glistened in the moonlight, as she spread herself for me.

 

She beckoned me between her legs and urged me to enter her, as she moaned softly in my ear.

 

We made love under the stars for hours, until she suddenly gripped my shoulders and whispered “Finish quickly my love, before I turn baaaaaaack…”

 

And that’s when you turned up and found me with this sheep, officer.

Osborne vows instant Tory cuts

The picture is a reference to the story where Osborne vows instant cuts.  It should be interesting to see once the Tories take power.  Mind you, they will just blame the deficit on Labour ignoring the way that they would have landed us in an even bigger mess with the way that they would have let major banks fold and also the way they would have had even less regulation of the economy...  But that is too serious.  

I am at home, waiting for my lovely wife to return home from a party.  And am watching FAUX news.  Got home, to find my daughter had retaliated against her brother.  To be fair, he will defend himself, but my wife found her using a Duplo brick on my sons head!  She was thumping him with it has he had broken a toy of hers.  Do not get me wrong, he started off in the wrong, but she was not right to punish him like that...

Anyway, I hope you find this funny...

Johnny fancied a girl in his office, but she was engaged to someone.

One day Johnny got so "frustrated" that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a £100 if you let me have intimitate carnal knowledge" but the girl refused.

Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up."

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her fiancé, so she called her fiancé and told him the story.

He suggest that she ask him for £200, pick up the money very fast, and he won't even be able to get his trousers down.

So she tells Johnny that she'll do it and they go to a quiet room.

Half an hour goes by and the fiancé is waiting for her to call.

Finally after 45 mins he calls and asks what happened......

 

She said "The bastard used coins!"

 

 

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and then getting screwed!

Campbell on brink of Arsenal return

Campbell on brink of Arsenal return

Morning all.  Am at home this morning.  Wife is asleep upstairs, and the kids are tearing the place apart.  But it is great being with them.

The snow is melting.  Which is going to make driving safer, but in a way, I miss it.  As cold as it is, it does look very pretty.  My daughter loves throwing snowballs at me.  My son, not yet two, does not like snowballs being thrown at him though.  Mind you, my daughter is a good sport, she can take a lot of punishment in snow ball fights.  And with her being four, it would be all too easy to 'win' such a fight, but that would not be fair on her.  So I have to let her win, but often getting the last snowball in, as well as letting her hit me.  When she is older and able to aim better, then it will be even more fun!

Anyway, it has been a while since I posted last.  Last week, my son went to a playgroup while his sister was in pre-school.  While there, the little git pushed over a little girl.  My wife told him off and got him to apologise to the little girls mother.  So he turned to her, smiled and won her over!  On Sunday, went out for a meal at the Hospital Arms.  While there, a pretty blonde sat next to us (obviously not as pretty as my wife).  What did he do?  He smiled and charmed her as well.  If they are pretty and look legal, he tried to charm them.  It used to be if they were legal, but now he has gone for one underage girl.  She was fifteen!

My wife feels sorry for my daughter, as cute and adorable as she is, he is able to win people over with his smile a lot more.  

Anyway, I have to go now, hope you like the joke...

Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps of Air Force One with two pigs under his arms.

At the bottom of the steps, the honor guardsman steps forward and remarks, "Nice pigs, Mr. President"

Clinton replies, "I'll have to let you know that these are genuine Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary.. So, now what do you think?"

The honor guardsman answers: "Nice trade, Sir."