Sunday, 27 September 2020

Absent fathers


My dad is not well.  He has been taken into hospital with his blood sugar levels and being poorly responsive.  I have not seen him for about twelve years, but with his dementia, he is unlikely to remember who I am.  My older of my younger brothers has travelled to London to be near him, he being the son who he approved of the most.

It is strange watching Us.  The relationship between a father who I am becoming more like every year and his son.  My son watched a bit, until I bought him the guitar he wanted.  My daughter watched more but has left now.  All, my wife included feel that I am becoming too much like Douglas.

But at least I am still about.  When I was the age of my children, my parents had been divorced.  I would see my father on weekends but enjoyed the time that he did not collect me more and more.  He felt my mother drove a wedge between me and him, but it was his behaviour to us and my mother that did it.  I did not see if he was bad to his second wife, but his third stuck by him and was an angel for doing so.

Looking at quotes about being a father is strange.  I aspire to be a good father, he was of the view that being my biological one was good enough.  He did teach me lots when I was younger and my love of maths and science was thanks to both he and my mother.  But I also like to think that he taught me how not to be a father.

I do not bear him ill will, and what ever happens to him, I hope he does not suffer.

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