My father is dead.

My father died yesterday.

I got a message from the older of my two brothers early in the morning that he had got worse, had been admitted and that he could have visitors.  My father was not able to have them before and there had been issues finding a bed for him.  Speaking to my brother, I could tell how upset he was.  I drove down and collected my youngest brother, work were understanding and let me go.  When we got there, we had a chat before we took it in turns to be with him.  I sent my brothers away for food at first, and they came back when one of my cousins arrived.  She stayed with him for a bit and was kind enough to give my youngest brother a lift to my Mum’s house.  I sent my other brother to his hotel to get some sleep as he had not been able to sleep the night before due to rowdy guests in the room below him.

My father has understandably changed since I saw him last.  That was over ten years ago when I took my kids to see him without the consent of my wife.  He spent the time ignoring them and speaking to me.  He said a few racist things which would have affected my children as they are mixed race, but did not care about them being there (they were too young to understand what he was talking about).  He, or I suspect, my Step-Mother, did by a toy for my daughter, and as noted before I do regret not seeing her again.  On occasions, I had thought about taking the children back to see him, but as they got older, they would understand his hatred and bitterness when he spoke, so I did not.

Being with him, I talked to him about my children, skirting away from anything about them that would remind him of my mother.  I suspect he still blames her for the times that he beat the crap out of her and I did not want to go there.  My cousin had talked about how many men are not good husbands, but I do not know if she was aware of just how violent he was to me and how he was even worse to my mother.  So I talked about the few good memories I have of him, how he taught me how to cycle, my increasing love of it, how I taught my children how to ride bikes.  I talked about how my son goes to a STEM school and what it meant as he trained as an engineer and felt that the only important subjects to learn were science and maths.  I talked about my daughter being in a Grammar School and how both children appear to be interested in science.  And I talked to him about politics when I ran out of other things.

I am glad I was with him.  My brother was concerned that he was suffering, but seeing him, I knew from those who I have treated that he was dying and was doing so peacefully.  I did not understand why he has fluids and antibiotics being given as he looked close to death, but they were stopped.  A Tissue Viability nurse was going to check the bed sore he got at home (he refused all help except that from my stepmother which is why he got it) but when I pointed out that he was dying, agreed to leave him and asked me about when it came about (I have my brother to thank for those answers).

He had a fit before he died.  I did not recognise it at first, but it quickly became apparent he had one.  I know that this did not cause him any distress but for those who have not seen a fit, it can be quite alarming.  I let the nursing staff know so that they could give medications to stop it happening again, but his breathing slowed down after he fit.  I rang my brothers and his last breath was when I asked them to come.  The nurse came in very soon after to give him the medications to prevent another fit, but he had died peacefully by then.

I am glad I was with him.  His fit would have upset my other brothers as they would have been concerned that he has suffered before his death, but I know from my job that as alarming as it appeared, he was still peaceful.  Also, the older of my two brothers really needed his rest.

My mother was upset by his death.  She remembers the man she fell in love with, not the one who brutally beat her, and she feels guilty that she could not look after him.  My oldest brother is to arrange his funeral. My father was a staunch atheist and there is pressure from many relatives to have a religious service.  I am hopeful that his funeral will respect his views on God.

The Wedding Year

Yesterday we watched this film.  After returning from work, my wife and I flitted about each other and after her amazing lunch she picked a film for us to watch.  We do share interests in similar films, but my first choice would not have been this film.

And I would have been wrong.  I really liked the film.  The two main characters were engaging and I liked how they developed.  In addition, the film struck the right balance between humour and angst.  What was interesting was how some of the weddings were more realistic.  Not all were set in fairytale settings, an issue that annoys me about some films.

This is a film I would watch again and one that I would certainly recommend to others.

Absent fathers

My dad is not well.  He has been taken into hospital with his blood sugar levels and being poorly responsive.  I have not seen him for about twelve years, but with his dementia, he is unlikely to remember who I am.  My older of my younger brothers has travelled to London to be near him, he being the son who he approved of the most.

It is strange watching Us.  The relationship between a father who I am becoming more like every year and his son.  My son watched a bit, until I bought him the guitar he wanted.  My daughter watched more but has left now.  All, my wife included feel that I am becoming too much like Douglas.

But at least I am still about.  When I was the age of my children, my parents had been divorced.  I would see my father on weekends but enjoyed the time that he did not collect me more and more.  He felt my mother drove a wedge between me and him, but it was his behaviour to us and my mother that did it.  I did not see if he was bad to his second wife, but his third stuck by him and was an angel for doing so.

Looking at quotes about being a father is strange.  I aspire to be a good father, he was of the view that being my biological one was good enough.  He did teach me lots when I was younger and my love of maths and science was thanks to both he and my mother.  But I also like to think that he taught me how not to be a father.

I do not bear him ill will, and what ever happens to him, I hope he does not suffer.

Bombshell

I walked to work, and back today.  I would have cycled but it was very windy, but delaying my walk meant I had to beg a lift from a work colleague.  I got back to find my wife making a cake.  After eating the second lunch she made for me (I got home two hours after I had said I would be home so the first lunch she made for me was not up to the standards she set for herself.

She went upstairs afterwards and I started to watch Bombshells.  I had asked my daughter if she wanted to watch something together, but she said no.  But this caught her interest and she sat with me while I watched it.  I thought that it was a very powerful film.  She did as well.  I am not going to be able to watch the end as my wife and I have to go out, or rather I will be watching the end later tonight or in the next few days.  But one hour and twenty minutes in, it has sickened me to see how some men have abused power for sex.  I know this has happened but this makes it more real.  It does show a lot of the issues women face when it comes to dealing with this, both from men and other women.  The cast do it really well, and while I suspect there may have been some parts of the film that were not 100% accurate, it is accurate enough for me to get its messages across.

To say that I highly recommend this film is an understatement.

Enola Holmes

It has been an interesting week.  My son got the all clear on Wednesday but was not able to return to school on Thursday as he still had a bad cough.  We could have sent him in, but considering the time taken to get the results from Sunday, we did not dare risk it.  My daughter did go in, but today she has not felt too well.  Just a sore throat which means no need for a COVID test, based on current guidance.

Today my wife son and I went to Lakeside.  I had to take a meeting on Microsoft Teams on the way there, and also for a bit of time while we were there.  His cough has improved but today was a non-pupil day.  In other years, I would have taken him to Thorpe Park.  And while it is open, with the plague being an issue, I am not going there.

Anyway, Enola Holmes.  My daughter and I had wanted to watch it before but decided to see if my wife wanted to watch it as well.  My son was happy to communicate with his friends rather than watch it with is.  It is my favourite of the Sherlock Holmes films since 2000.  Enola was not the stereotypical woman in the film, though that role is now changing in many film roles.  I look forward to the sequel.

Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again

My son was tested for his symptoms today and once tested his health improved.  In fact he has been amazing and reorganised our utility room.  I have rested so that my painful right ear does not trouble me when working from home tomorrow and we hope to have the results tomorrow so that my wife and I can return to seeing patients face to face and the children are hoping to return to school on Tuesday.

During dinner today we finished watching Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again.  The kids have watched it before and love it.  While I have never had any desire to watch it, it was nice to see it with the family.  I see why they love it.  To me, Muriel’s Wedding will always be the film I associate with ABBA, this and Mamma Mia itself will be the films that they love ABBA for.

12 Monkeys and my son

My son has not been feeling well today.  His symptoms this morning were not those of COVID19 but as the day went on, they evolved and he developed a headache, temperature and a sore throat.

Once this was done, my daughter rowed with me about having to isolate and miss school as she felt she did not have to.  This was in part due to the confusing messages from the Prime Minister about isolation of those with symptoms.  Both she and I felt the other was being unreasonable about the discussion.  Later, while my wife and I were trying to arrange testing, we rowed after she kept telling me to do something she could have done herself.  And after this, I rowed with my son.  In the process of this row, he decided to cough on me.  The row escalated after that.

Anyway, things with my son and wife are now settled.  I however am now feeling unwell with feeling cold and having an earache,  I have not arranged testing as my son is to be tested and as yet, I have no sore throat, headache or a raised temperature.  I am not able to help with our socially distanced flu clinic tomorrow and will have to work from home for Monday morning at least. My wife may have to work on Wednesday as she cannot do the work she normally does from home herself.  That is assuming we do not get worse.  But he did not cough on her, so she may be lucky.

Scary spiders

Yesterday I was on the carpet watching television with my wife and daughter when a huge enormous spider walked across the floor in front of me.  It, being big, was scared we were going to eat it.  I trapped it in a glass and having been drinking beforehand, when I was a bit more sober, and brave slid a card under it and set it free outside.

However, it was amusing that I, the man, despite being scared of the huge spider, had to get rid of it.  My daughter when younger let a tarantula crawl on her, but could not deal with this one.  At work, I work with a man who has had to get the ladies at work deal with any spiders found in his room, so I know that the stereotype of just women not being able to deal with spiders is wrong.  Of course, we also watched an episode of 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown which celebrated female empowerment.  The irony was not lost on me.

We were meant to have been watching Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, but after my son convinced us to watch it, he disappeared with his iPhone upstairs.  So we watched Strike.

I know that many are abandoning JK Rowling in this Cancel Culture Era, but I think that she is amazing and I agree with the views she has posted a while ago.  It is ironic that in an era where we accept that gender is non-binary that any discussion over it is viewed as a binary one.

Anyway, onto Pokémon GO.  I am looking for the following which are missing from my Pokédex;
Kecleon
Relicanth
Pachirisu
Chatot
Garchomp (though I hopefully will be evolving one later this year)
Carnivine
Probopass
Rotom
Uxie
Azelf
Serebii
Manaphy
Victini
Pansage (and possibly Simisage)
Panpour (or Simipour)
Munna
Musharna
Throh
Sandile
Krokorok
Maractus
Sigilyph
Zorua
Vanillite
Deerling
Frillish
Tynamo
Axew
Cryogonal
Mienfoo
Druddigon
Pawniard
Bouffalant
Heatmor
Vullaby
Larvesta
Keldeo
Meloetta

I am aware that not all are available.
I am also interested in high CP Pokémon as a lucky trade;
Burmy
Duskull
Nosepass
Woobat
Yamask

And a normal form Golem.

I am also happy to do a like for like trade on many other Pokémon, especially shiny ones.  I do not have as large a collection as others, but I am willing to consider shiny like to like trades.

A relaxing Sunday in the shade

Had to work on Sunday and I had intended to cycle in, but by daughter asked if she could come in with me as she does her homework better when she is there.  So I drove in, but she was not able to work as well as she wanted as her computer caused her issues which meant that we went back home sooner than I would have done otherwise. On getting back, my wife and I helped my daughter by passing over one of our old iPad's to her.  

My wife has had some issues at work and was feeling a bit stressed, so we went out for lunch.  This lasted quite a bit longer than we had wanted and my son was not able to meet up with some friends (to be fair, I am not sure that this was going to happen anyway).  Lunch was not in the sun, rather in the shade and outside, so reducing the risks of COVID.  It was a nice relaxing lunch, and afterwards I dropped my wife off at a friends so that they would have a socially distanced chat and went out on my bike for some exercise.  Sadly, when weighing myself at work, I had found that I had gained, not lost weight since my last measurement.  

And when I got back, while the children relaxed, I started on my ironing.  Dinner was on me, so I took them to a drive through KFC.  I know that this is not the most healthy, or considering my desire to get fitter, the most sensible of decisions, but I had a lot of ironing to get though!

Anyway, this song is for my wife.  She knows why after our conversation this morning...

Wash hands, Wear a face mask, Make space

Work has been getting busier.  Not just those without infections, but more people with viral infections.  While most are probably not COVID, for now, the problem is that anyone with an infection can spread it, and anyone with a cough, temperature or sore throat will need a test.

In PMQ’s last week, the issue of people not being able to get tests was brought up.  The government blamed people who did not have symptoms for having tests.  But the numbers with COVID have risen, by quite a lot.  Which means that there are a lot of people with COVID a who need tests, and I suspect many who are not getting tests.  Last week, I spoke to a mother of a child with symptoms who was not able to get a test, which meant that her and her husband could not work.  But the advantage of them being trapped at home is that the little one cannot spread any infections.

Basically, if children are catching infections, this means that COVID is spreading.  We need to remember the guidance, which is to wash hands, wear a face-mask and make space.  Not just in public, but with our friends and those family members who do not live with us.

The Babysitter: Killer Queen

 

Watched this with my daughter.  Overall, I did like it, but I do not consider this to be as good as the original.  After an annoying start (the most enjoyable part of which is the similarity to the first film), the film improves once they are on the water.  Once that happens, the balance between being corny and genius which was present in the first film, comes back.  It is absent in the final fight scene and is certainly lacking in the over emotional goodbye scene with the story beforehand.

I am glad I watched it, but while I would watch the original again, I would not watch this again. 

The Babysitter

 

I love this film. I have watched it a while ago, but when I got home from work today, my daughter was watching the sequel.  

The return to school has been interesting.  We have tried to reduce the risk of the kids bringing COVID into the home.  My son though is incapable of following the simple instructions and has ‘forgotten’ to put his blazer away as soon as he gets home.  To be fair, he has only tried to kill us twice and he promises not to do it again.  But he said that after the first time.  

The kids have to help with the washing and they are meant to work together on this.  My daughter takes out the clothes to dry, and my son puts them away.  So this morning, when my clothes were missing was in a bad mood.  My son said he had not been given them when I woke him up, so I woke my daughter up.  She had given them to him, but he had forgotten and she had not left a text trail.  The unhappiness about this continued until I got home and my daughter and I had an interesting argument.  It was only sorted after a delivery driver scared her.  He had rung our doorbell and ran away when he realised he had the wrong house.  She had been watching scary films and this freaked her out.

So we got together downstairs and watched The Babysitter: Killer Queen.  She went to bed a third of the way through and I watched the first film again.  

I consider this to be a classic must watch film.  It is comparable to films like Brain Dead, having a similar sense of humour and the correct balance between gore and comedy.  And being so over the top, it was not as predictable as many films are.  I look forwards to watching the sequel properly.

Breaking The Law (Conservative Values)

I have to admit that the title is unfair.  

The issues with breaking the law relate to this government and I do not think it relates to all Conservatives.

This week, they have stated that the UK will break International Law, in a limited manner.  Our government which has stated that other nations should obey international law and has complained when Russia violated international law to murder someone on UK soil or when it invaded Ukraine.

The reason for breaking international law is to break an agreement that Boris Johnson pushed through Parliament (and purged the party of MP’s who did not back it).  Our nation is to break international law to force the people that the first agreement was agreed with, to negotiate a new deal!  How others in the world will trust this government is beyond me, especially the E.U. as they are the people we are breaking the Brexit agreement that was passed late last year.  

Issues with the law have arisen in the past, this being how Dominic Cummings ignored guidance to drive out of London during lock-down with his ill wife to stay near family, along with the way he drove his wife around her birthday to a beauty spot to test his vision.

Boris Johnson may have found that the law can be ignored in the past when he was part of the Bullingdon Club.  Famed for the trashing restaurants, the get out that he and other members allegedly had was to get someone to buy themselves out of trouble.

For our nation, this means that the cost of him breaking the law is to be felt by subsequent governments.

It is hard to stay angry with my kids when watching This Is Us.

Had a relaxing weekend.  I had intended to catch up on work on Saturday but my wife had wanted to go to Aldeburgh.  She told me this on Friday, so on Saturday morning when I wanted to go for a bike ride, she convinced me not to.  We did not travel there in the end, and I got to have a bike ride with my son.  We rode to his school and back.  I had issues keeping up with him there, but he was running out of energy on the ride back and that part of the cycle was a lot more relaxed.

We did go for a drive afterwards and went to Heybridge Basin where we had been a few years ago, but it was crowded, so we left.  We ended up having lunch at a drive through McDonalds instead but we did go for a walk.  It was lovely going for a walk with my wife, though the children did bicker a bit.

This morning, the kids were mean to me.  I am sure that they have a different perspective on this.  So I was glad to go to work, and did not really want to return.  But I had to iron their clothes so did return.  So I returned.  And I was in a bad mood, but watching This Is Us cured me.  Watching how  the characters in it interacted and the stories made it hard to stay angry with the kids.

Anyway, am watching it with my wife and daughter.  And laughing and having to deal with how dusty things are.

Freedom of speech and acting on Fake News

Extinction rebellion have acted to peacefully protest against the Murdoch empire, and in doing so have also disrupted the distribution of papers from the Telegraph and the Mail stables.  As some of you may be aware, I do not read The Sun, and I despise The Daily Mail and I boycott both.  However, I also disagree with actions taken to prevent the distribution of these papers.  

Many feel that this action is justifiable, but to them, I ask, is it acceptable if left wing voices are silenced in a similar manner?

I used to read the Morning Star (I do not have time to read the paper version now) and while I disagreed with it at times, it was a voice of the left.  A question I would ask those who have supported the Extinction Rebellion newspaper protest is if they would consider a similar act by groups like Britain First or UKIP to be acceptable, or would they consider this to be an act to limit freedom of speech.  

Is Britain First right to act in a peaceful manner to try to restrict the freedom or worship that we enjoy in our nation? 

Trump has stated that he wanted to act to infringe the rights of Social Media in an attempt to prevent them commenting on his tweets.  He also has commented on infringing it in other ways in the past.  Is that acceptable?

I have come across those who feel that freedom of speech from those with left wing views should be limited.  If that is not correct, how is it moral to limit the freedom of the right wing media to express their views.    

Kinder, Gentler Politics and social media

I have been involved in a particularly abusive argument on Twitter.  It seemed to involve the creation of fake accounts to harass the other, and it appears that one side has ‘won’ as the other has made their account private.

I use Twitter for several reasons and one of them is to learn about the views others hold and to debate.  Sadly, some engage in abuse.  It can be hard to remember who started what at times, but for those on the left, like me, I think it is important to remember the message from Michelle Obama and Jeremy Corbyn, which is in essence, not to descend into abuse.

Sadly many in the UK have not followed this, as seen with the abuse that people like Rachel Riley and Emma Barnett have experienced.

I do not justify any abuse, but I cannot recall many politicians on the right calling for civil behaviour.  One was John McCain, but after he turned on Trump, I am not sure that many on the right of US politics respect him any more.  But those on the left have called for civility.

Ultimately people are won over by being civil to them, not by being abusive.  And anyone who wishes to change views needs to remember that.  

The all clear

All is well.  We have been given the all clear.  I got the message by text in the morning but it came too late for me to cycle to work so I worked from home instead.  So I am back to work talking to and if needed, seeing patients, and the same for my wife.

Isolation, again

We are in isolation again.  This morning my wife woke with a persistent cough and so we went for testing in Ipswich again.  She has rested for a lot of the day, but her cough improved once she had her swab.  She loved me having mine!

I had locked myself out of my work laptop last week and did not have time to correct this matter then, so I had to have that fixed before I was able to work from home.  And that took time.  Using my mobile to make calls, and my headphones to preserve patient anonymity I was able to see my call lengths easier, and many take longer than ten minutes now.  When I started in quarantine many months ago, the issues we had to deal with her so much easier.  Now they are back to the usual complexity along with additional diagnostic uncertainty due to COVID meaning we are not assessing all face to face.

Cultural Appropriation and Cultural Segregation

Can anyone tell me if the following are examples of cultural appropriation?

Chicken Tikka Masala.
The Hello Kitty video by Avril Lavigne.
Stuffed crust pizza’s.
People who appear not to be black wearing dreadlocks & Bantu knots.
The use of henna by those with no visible ancestry from the Arabian Peninsula, Indian subcontinent.
Near and Middle East, Carthage, other parts of North Africa or the Horn of Africa.
The Jai Ho music video by The Pussycat dolls.
Eating Haggis on Burns night if you have no Scottish heritage.
Wearing a Kimono if you have no Japanese heritage.
Eminem, Vanilla Ice, Iggy Azalea, UB40 & Madness.
The use of Tartan by those without significant Scottish ancestry.
The video for Romeo by Basement Jaxx.
Dressing as another ethnicity for a fancy dress party.
Drinking Guinness if you have no Irish heritage.
Someone with no South Asian heritage wearing a bindi (or anything like it).
Having an opinion on liking a dish if you are not from the ethnic group it is from.

I do think that trying to trademark certain names, such as Kimono is unacceptable.  Issues like Jamie Oliver using a name for food that has been inspired by dishes like paella are a grey area along with food inspired by a nation.  But he is not wrong to use such foods in the creation of new dishes.    

It may be best to prevent offence if we segregate different communities to prevent cultures mixing.  But that is what people like the BNP want, and I like how the society I live in has been, and continues to be influenced it’s multicultural history.

But, I would like to know what is and what is not cultural appropriation and I welcome comments about what people think on this matter.