If Vladimir Putin was an election cheat, I wouldn't have voted for him 70 times

Arsenal have been hit by the devastating news of the sacking of André Villas-Boas

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It was a good match, well, the first half on the radio was.  I was at work listening to it while completing paperwork there.  A shame I did not get to watch it.  Even though we lost the tie, it was good to salvage some pride.  I say some for the display in Milan was truly terrible.  The question is what the team goes on to do now.  Walcott and Oxlade-Chamberlain are our two key players.  Rosicky is now back on the form that he was bought for, and of course, the performance of Van Persie is amazing.  But we are not a one player team and if Walcott and Oxlade-Chamberlain are not fit for our other games, it means that Chelski will overtake us.

 Anyway, onto the family.  As some of you know, my son has his birthday around now which means fun for him and a party.  In previous years, I remember that children make noise, but the reality!  Anyway, he now has a scooter from my side of the family which he got to use today.  And he loves it.  My wife's parents got him a cake for his birthday and my wife and I got him the Tower of Doom!

 And as you can guess, these pictures refer to the recent victory of Putin (a lovely man) in the elections in Russia.  Although most electoral observers think that fraud took place in the elections, most agree that Putin would have won anyway.  But then, what do you expect with the ex-head of the KGB when those who speak out against him meet with accidents.

But for the record, I think that Putin is a lovely man and would never fix any elections.  And no, I would not like any Polonium in my tea.

I came home drunk last night and my wife wasn't happy.
"How much have you had to drink?" she asked, staring at me.
"Nothing" I slurred.
"Look at me!" she shouted, "It's either me or the pub, which one is it?"
I paused for a second and said, "It's you, I can tell by the voice."  

You won't believe what my son has just bought with his pocket money!
Rangers FC! 

I had the impression my parents didn't like me much.
On my 17th Birthday I got given a set of keys.
I said, "Wow, is it a car?"
They said, "No, you're minding the house - we're going to EuroDisney"

My girlfriend dumped me because she said, "I can't handle your selective hearing, it's frustrating! It's so long since you've done anything romantic, it hurts!"
I don't know what she's talking about, I don't have selective hearing!
Anyway, when the lads down the pub asked why she finished with me I told them "It's so long it hurts"