Evening all. Quick post. I did not get to spend time with the kids yesterday as I was at work. Spent a bit of time with them, but not as much as I would have liked. Today though, took them to my mother, and my wife's parents. They got to see my two brothers, and they loved it. That is the kids, and my side of the family. And of course they loved going to my wife's parents. All in all, a good day with them all. Anyway, time to go to bed. And then to work. Where my manager is a Spurs fan. And that is going to be hard to bear...
Morning all. As usual, I hope that you all are well. Just a quick update on the kids. On Monday, I read my daughter the story of Mr Snow.
Now, if you watch it, at two minutes and 45 seconds, you find that Father Christmas is stuck. When I read that bit to my daughter, I asked her what would happen as he would not be able to deliver the childrens christmas presents. Her answer? "He can walk." Not "Why can he not walk?" But a statement, delivered in a voice that said that she was not impressed, that come Christmas Eve, he would have to walk around the world to give presents to all the good children! As I worked late last night, I did not get the chance to spend any time with them yesterday, but I hope to spend some quality time with them today when I get back from work. Well, take care all!
Evening all. I am feeling recharged and ready to once again face work. When I say it like that, it makes it sound worse than it is. I am one of those lucky enough to love my work, and I really like where I am working. Of course, at the moment, I am having to spend more time away from my family, which is a pity as they give me so much strength.
Today for example, I managed to sleep until about eight o'clock. Which is a major lie in when you have kids! Considering I was working till midnight, that was a sleep I really needed. So afterwards, I got to spend time with them, feeding them. Ideally I would have liked to relax, but they wanted to go to the newsagents. Or rather, the sweetie shop. Well, it just happens to sell newspapers, magazines and the like. You see, my wife does her best to feed them healthy food, ideally organic produce, and I take them on walks and then tank them up with e-numbers and sugar. But afterwards, we went to the park. And it rained. Now this would not be a problem if they were wearing any of the many coats that they have with hoods. But both wanted not to wear coats with hoods. And the moron that I am, I let them. This would have been a sensible suggestion had I taken them for a walk when they wanted to go. It was sunny then. But I was too lazy (or tired). And by the time I had done a man-clean I then took them out when the sky was grey. And then the clouds got darker. So by the time that we went to the playground it started to spit. And then rain. Luckily my wife had woken up and drove to pick up the kids. And as it was not raining too hard, they were not that wet. And they had a great time. As did I.
I was hoping to watch the Arsenal game. But the kids would not let me. I did get to watch the highlights though. I also got to watch bits of the news, notably the interview of IDTS about the Con-Dems views on getting people back to work. To be fair, if the plans work, it will be great. My solution is a bit controversial. A Citizen's income. And then there is no problems for those on benefits going into work.
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year- old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm.
She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast.
At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?"
Afternoon all. I hope you all are well. Today has been a good day, though I am taking time to post this in a break at work. Got to spend the morning with the kids. My wife was involved (with many other mothers) in a fete for pre-school which is where my son will be going later, and where my daughter went before going to school. They loved it there. Nails getting painted, stick-on-tattoos and of course, bargain toys. When I left them for work, they had got a road set up on the floor and were driving cars round it. It is thoughts like that which will keep me going on this very late shift!
Anyway, take care all.
DICTIONARY OF WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want...
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. We REALLY need to talk = you're in deep shit.
8. Sure, go ahead = you better not
9. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
10. I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
11.You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
DICTIONARY OF MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
Evening all. I am a bit tired, but have had a great day with the kids. Got to take my daughter to school, and although my wife said otherwise, I was able to get my son to walk there. I had to carry him back, but only because I was walking back with one of the mothers who lives on our street and he was having problems keeping up. My daughter was a bit freaked out by me taking her in, especially when I took her to the 'wrong' gate. (She did not know that the entrance gate had changed.) Afterwards, got to spend time with my son, which, I think he loved. The three of us went out and I think that he enjoyed getting time with his parents without his sister being there, though he loves her loads.
We were a bit late picking her up, and thanks to Sally for looking after her until we arrived! Anyway, other than the illness, it has been a good week. I do feel more refreshed and hopefully, when I am back at work, I will be much more efficient.
And the time spent with kids is priceless. My son this week told me that the house is Mummy's house, and when I asked him were mine was, he told me it was at work! Sad in a way, but funny as well.
Anyway, if you want a laugh, have a look at the joke below. Take care.
Home Remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply
using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be
afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the toothache.
8. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9. AND..... Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life really are: You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
11. And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never know
when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
The good news is that I am feeling better. The bad news is that my daughter was doing the exorcist last night. Just for clarification, that meant vomiting rather than being possessed by a demonic entity.
My son though appears to be well. But with him, my wife and I are waiting for it to happen, it is almost worse than if he as ill. But I prefer fearing him being ill, as opposed to him actually being ill.
Anyway, thanks to the bed rest that I had the day before, I feel more capable of looking after her now. Unlike last night when I snapped at my wife. Anyway, she is bed now getting rest, and my daughter gets to have more time off school. I would be tempted to send her back sooner, but then I suspect she would just tell everyone that she was off.
And if not, tough. You might like the joke though. If not, have a look at this weeks Apprentice. The candidate who left, this week, was a joke.
Four married men go fishing.
After an hour, the following conversation took place:
First man:
'You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint every room in the house next weekend.'
Second man:
'That is nothing; I had to promise my wife that I would build her new decking for the garden'
Third man:
'Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I would remodel the kitchen for her.'
They continue to fish.
When they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word, they asked him. 'You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What's the deal?'
Fourth man:
'I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a slap on her ar*e and said:
'Fishing or Sex?' and she said: 'Wear sun-block.'
Evening all. I hope you are all feeling better that I do. My daughter is feeling better, and for now, my son has escaped the bug that has spread in the house. And yes, I am now in bed with it. Aching, nausea, but unlike my daughter, no vomiting. Anyway the kids had fun. They went to Go Banana's, the kids play area where my wife had an interesting time. My son who has been on hunger strike decided to eat (maybe it was everyone else eating that did it, but it worked!) and my wife was a bit sceptical that he would actually eat his food. But he did. My daughter who has been banned from school for 48 hours after her vomiting, had fun, but enjoyed running of to play in the area for bigger kids, which my son was not allowed to enter.
Anyway, they are now asleep and I am in bed with my lovely wife, aching all over and getting ready to watch The Apprentice. Take care all.
Today has been an interesting day. It seemed to start so well. I am off today and am back at work tomorrow. Well, I was knackered last night, so did not go into work to catch up with my paperwork as I had planned. Or rather, I did, but later on in the day. Part of the reason was that, the other was because my wife is unwell. Unfortunately, she had been unwell in the night.
So come the morning, I got the kids ready, and took my son to nursery. He loved the walk. Until he realised that I had taken him to nursery. Needless to say he was not happy. I did feel a bit guilty leaving him there. My daughter, I took to school later on. The issue was that I had to take her there with the books that she had read on the weekend. A problem as I then realised that her book bag was empty. Searched, found two out of the three books. Searched again. And then I had ten minutes to take her on a twenty minute walk. Well that was interesting. Started by skipping, she naturally became tired, so a speed walk took place with her on my shoulders.
Well, that was a good workout. I got her there a few minutes late, but fortunately, not too late.
Went to work, got back to go to her school with my still sadly unwell wife, and then was there for a kind of parent-teacher day. Well, she is doing brilliantly at school. I am proud of her no matter what she does, but her teacher is proud of her as well. The only thing is that on the way home, she was ill. And by ill, I mean vomiting in the car. Managed to get her back, cleaned her up, cleaned the car up. And now she is upstairs with my wife, the two of them feeling ill and awful in bed.
My son though is fine. Which is strange as normally he and my wife are the ill ones. Mind you, he will probably get this as well. Did get to pick him up from nursery where I got to sneak in and watch him having a great time. He gave me such a warm hug when he saw me. He loved walking back at night, as he got to see loads of car headlights, and then I let him splash in puddles. And we spent the evening together. He was a bit upset that his sister gets to go to bed with my wife and that he does not. But I read him a story in bed and that seemed to calm him down.
It is heartbreaking when they are ill. Or do not want to be dropped of at nursery. But while this day has had them being sad, it also had bits where they were very happy. A shame that they had to be sad as well. But then, things could be far worse, and I am very lucky to have two great kids, as well as an amazing wife.
Anyway, time to go.
And I hope you like the song.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of
her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?"
"No, Silly" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid £6,000 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, "I just paid £3, 000 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.
And I did not get to spend the time with the kids at the playground that I was planning to do. Instead, after waking up late, we played about at home. I got to feed them breakfast and then just stayed with them as my daughter had two friends coming round. By the time they came, my son was asleep having been a pain in the day, I suspect because he is a bit unwell. Anyway, my daughter had fun, and when my son woke up, he did too. It is always nice to spend time with the kids, but I feel a bit guilty for not doing that much with them today.
Anyway, I do have a few days off this week. Not all the week, but a few days. I am aiming to spend Thursday and Friday with them, and though I have Monday off, I am going to be in work anyway catching up on paperwork before being back working for two days.
Anyway, my guilty pleasure is X factor at the moment. Really, it is one artist wannabe, though I do think that the competition standard is higher this year than in previous years. Sad really. Still might buy the anti-x factor single come Christmas like I did last year.
An amateur magician accidentally turns his wife into a settee and his two kids into armchairs. He starts to panic. He tries every trick in book but none work so, in desperation, he decides to take them to hospital.
Once at casualty, the magician spends a sleepless night while the medical staff run numerous tests on the unfortunate woman and children.
Finally, the head doctor comes out into the corridor to speak to the magician.
"How are my family?" he asks worriedly, "are they alright?"
Evening all. Hope all of you are well. It has been a little while since my last post, which is a shame as I have had quite a bit to post about!
Right, first of all, last weekend, my daughter had a joint birthday party with two boys from school. That meant that we shared the costs, and effort, but most importantly, that meant that everyone from her class could be invited to the party.
There was an animated monkey that said that my daughter was its wife which made all the five year olds laugh, and a magician who came with it! If you are interested in the magician, he was great and I would highly recommend him.
That was on Sunday. Saturday of course was me at work, though I got to have lunch with the kids. In the week, my son as been on hunger strike, not eating as much as he normally does, while my daughter has found her appetite not just for learning, but for normal food as well. Which has meant that now, one of her trousers is tight! When you have a daughter that was seen by the hosptial as she was too skinny, things like that mean a lot.
Today, they went down to see my wife's parents. Last night, we got to set of fireworks, which they loved. Anyway, I am actually posting this while on a break at work. Am here till midnight. I am looking forwards to spending time with the kids, and if the weather is nice, I will take them out to one of the local playgrounds again. Anyway, take care all, and I hope you like the jokes...
NHS: "One in every three smokers die"
So the other two become immortal?
The meek shall inherit the earth.....after we're through with it.
