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Wednesday 27 October 2010

Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose

Evening all.  I hope you all are well, well that is if anyone other than my mother reads this!

Quick update on the kids.  They are doing well.  Yesterday they went to see my wife's parents.  They loved it there.  The only problem is that they get used to 'no' meaning scream/try harder.  A rule that does not work with my wife and myself.

Tonight, after putting the kids to bed, I am hoping to get to listen to the Arsenal game.  I am concerned that we will get beaten.  We do not travel well to the North East, and Newcastle will be keen to take another big scalp after beating Chelski before.  Mind you, I did not think that we would take three points against Man Sh*tty, but we did.


Monday 25 October 2010

Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.

Evening all. I post after a day at work.

Yesterday after working late at night, I got to spend time with the kids.  My wife unfortunately has been unwell which meant that I had to not catch up with my sleep.  But to be fair, I was lucky as it meant that I got to spend time with the kids!  I took them for their morning walk to the sweetie shop.  And then I had the option to take them back home, or take them for a walk.  So I did.  A long walk for them and they did really well.  And I took them to a different playground.  Well they loved it.  And I had a great time with them.  I am very lucky to have great kids like them.  And I am lucky to spend the time I have with the kids.  While I would love it to be longer I just have to appreciate the time I have, as having more time with them would mean problems in other areas.


And today it was the first day of half term.  So while my son spent time at nursery, my wife spent the day my daughter.  My son suspected something was up, probably because she was not in her school uniform and he asked if his sister was going to school.  And he did not want to go to the nursery.  Well he, like his sister, he is a smart cookie.  Anyway, I have to go to bed, so I will post about the Arsenal match at a later date.



I hear in Norfolk they're going to have their own take on horse racing's Breeders Cup.

It's called The In-breeders Cup

Sunday 24 October 2010

Potent: A shelter for the smallest teletubby.

Just a quick post before I take the kids out for a walk to the sweet shop.
As mentioned in the last post, my wife and I went to a math's evening at my daughters school on Wednesday with games on how to make maths fun.  So yesterday, before I went to work, we played a game of ticks and crosses.   
Using some dice that I use for roleplaying (a d4 and a d6), she would roll the dice, write the numbers and add them together.  

She was very proud to get so many ticks.  And if you are wondering about the title of the post, it refers to Po, one of the Tellytubbies.



Cameron & Clegg - putting the 'n' in cuts!

Well, let me start with my rant on politics. I would have posted sooner, but I forgot how to add pictures onto my blog.  But that has changed and now I can have my rant on politics.


Well, a lot has happened since I last made a post.  Most recently, the government has made loads of cuts.  They want to encourage people to find work, and have done so by making plans to sack loads of people.


And in addition to that, the UK is now to build an aircraft carrier without any planes!  Not that it makes sense to me.


But then I am not as clever as they are.  

I almost feel sorry for the Liberal Democrats.  So many promises made, and so many broken!


They gained loads of votes from people who would have voted labour.  Students for example who did not want to pay fees. 




And for some strange reason, I do not see many of those students voting for them come the next election.  And if crime goes up, I see the Conservatives being screwed.  

And considering that they are going to cut funding to both the police and prisons, hmm....

Anyway, back to the kids.  My daughter had her birthday on Monday.  My side of the family came up on Sunday and spent time with her which she loved, then not only did she let people know about her birthday at school on Monday, but my in-laws came up and picked her up from school!  It was a great two days for her.  A day at Build-A-Bear where she got to build a bear.  A purple one, which she named Purple!  And then on to the Early Learning Centre where she got toys for her fairy castle.  

Come Wednesday, I got back from work to put the kids to bed.  There was a maths evening at her school to which parents were invited to learn how to encourage getting kids to learn maths.  So my mother-in-law came up to babysit and then we got the kids ready for bed.  Just as we were about to go, my son did an Exorcist and then my daughter hearing her brother cry (and after being told by the mother-in-law that we were about to leave) burst out in tears.  Needless to say we were a bit late.  Anyway, time to go. Arsenal are to play Man City today and I am hoping we get to win. 


A blonde and a brunette were hanging off of a bridge. A boy had to pick which one to save. He said that he picked the blonde, so she clapped.


My mate said to me, "Can you give me a bed for the night?"


I said, "Yes, but you'll have to bring it back in the morning."

Monday 18 October 2010

Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons?

A quick post from my mobile.

My daughter is five. I had intended to go to work early, but did not and instead was able to wake her up, sing happy birthday to her and watch her open her present. Jessie from Toy Story. She loved it and took her cowgirl doll into school. What amazed me more was that the doll came back intact! My son has Woody already and now loves him more now that his sister has Jessie. Ideally he would love Buzz, but he has to wait till Christmas to be surprised when he gets his own spaceranger!

Good night to any who read this. Time for me to get some kip.

Sunday 17 October 2010

NEVER play leapfrog with a unicorn.

Today is the last day that my daughter will be four.

Sad. Well, that is how I feel. Silly really. But she should enjoy tomorrow. And I hope she does not only enjoy that day, but I want her to enjoy many other birthdays to come.

And while I love her and want her to grow, I miss the vast amount of time that I do not get to spend with her, her brother, and her mother.

Anyway, here is wishing her a happy birthday.

Sunday 10 October 2010

10/10/10 Finally a date even the Yanks can't get wrong.

Evening all. Hope you all are well. Have just been to my mothers and met up with my brothers there. Of course, the kids loved seeing my mother. One of my brothers was ill so did not want to hug the kids, and my daughter refused to go near the bearded one as she gets nervous around him. Anyway am now at the in-laws. Relaxing with the papers while the kids run wild picking fruit in the garden.

Wednesday 6 October 2010

Try braking, to give your driving a bit of 00mph

Evening all.  First of all, it is my youngest brothers birthday.  I got the kids to sing happy birthday to him and e-mailed the video to him (and others in the family).



I was woken up at four in the morning when my daughter was coughing.  Unfortunately I was not able to get back to sleep.  So what am I doing?  I am watching The Apprentice.  I will be going back to sleep soon though.
Back to my daughter, she is still is coughing, as I type.  And today she also has a hoarse voice.  She was not able to go to school, and at this rate, probably will not be going in tomorrow either.
My son is well, which is surprising as he is normally the ill one out of the two.   Hopefully he will not be too ill and she will get better soon.  And I will get some sleep.





British Golfing Terminology

1 A "Paris Hilton" - an expensive hole

2 A "Dennis Wise" - a nasty 5 footer

3 A "Salman Rushdie" - an impossible read

4 A "Rock Hudson" - looked straight, but it wasn't

5 A "Cuban" - needed one more revolution

6 An "Adolf Hitler" - two shots in the bunker

7 A "Saddam Hussein" - from one bunker straight into another

8 A "Yasser Arafat" - ugly and in the sand

9 A "Kate Winslett" - little bit fat but otherwise perfect

10 A "Liz McColgan" - Ugly but runs forever

11 A "Glen Miller" - didn't make it over the water

12 An "Arthur Scargill" - a great strike but a poor result

13 A "Russell Grant" - a fat iron

14 A "Rodney King" - over-clubbed

15 An "OJ Simpson" - got away with it

16 A "Princess Grace" - should have taken a driver

17 A "Princess Di" - shouldn't have taken a driver

18 A "Robin Cook" - just died on the hill

19 A "Michael Jackson" - gradually fading

20 A "Douglas Bader" - looked good in the air, but didn't have the legs

21 A "Ken Livingstone" - quite far left

22 A "Jean-Marie LePen" - a long way right

23 A "Ladyboy" - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems

24 A "condom" - safe but didn't feel real good

25 A "circus tent" - a BIG top

26 An "Anna Kournikova" - looks great, but unlikely to get a result

27 A "Vinnie Jones" - nasty kick when you're not expecting it

28 A "Sally Gunnell" - ugly, but a good runner

29 A" Brazilian" - Shaves both sides of the hole

Tuesday 5 October 2010

I dream of a new world where a chicken can cross the road without having his motives questioned.

Comments from the teacher made yesterday in my daughters reading record -
Kipper's diary - explained what a diary was.  Read well.  (?slowed?) a bit on days of the week
Monty and the Ghost Train - read very well indeed
Naughty Joe - read well starting to tire so will read again tomorrow

 

Why did the blonde take a gun out canoeing?


Because she wanted to shoot the rapids.

Monday 4 October 2010

Why isn't the USA in the Commonwealth Games too? I swear we used to own them also?

Evening all.  Kids are fine today.  My daughter asked my wife for some conkers.  Why, I do not know as she is not playing conkers.  My wife asked her to keep some for herself.  At the end of the day, all had been given away.  Me, I would have predicted it.  My wife, the optimist, thought that things would work out otherwise.  Which is worse?  Me for having so little faith in my lovely daughter, or my wife for having too much faith in her?


Anyway, that son of mine went to his nursery today.  When he was picked up, my wife was told that he had a great sense of humour and that the nursery nurses fought over who would get to look after him.  Apparently, they love him.  He only comes once a week and they think he is lovely, while there are other kids...


CREDIT CRUNCH MOVIE NAMES

Lidl Shop of Horrors
Thunderbirds Are Clamped
The Devil Wears Primark
28 Days Notice
Bin City
Me, Myself and Giro
Pre-Pay Sim City
Wall-e-Mart
Brassic Park
1 Dalmatian
Nightmare on Wall Street
Alice in Poundland
The hills have P45's
Northern Rocky IV
Terminator 2: County Court Judgement Day
The Shawshank Redundancy
Good Will Job Hunting
Total Product Recall
Trainhopping
Iceland Age
The Loan Arranger
P.S I owe you
Bronzefinger
Four Civil-Ceremonys & an Eviction
The Empire Cuts Back
Womb Raider
Spongebob No Pants
I still know what you Spent Last Summer
3 Men and a Baby P
Financial Fantasy
Jobless in Seattle
Terminator 2: Redundancy Pay
I.O.U robot
Winnie The Poor
Spar Trek



This Tory government is much like a rainbow.

It looks good from a distance, but on close inspection it has no real substance, you can see right through it and it's only there because of the sun.

Sunday 3 October 2010

Last night my girlfriend phoned me from the US. She was in a poor state. Mississippi in fact.

My wife is making me watch the X factor.  So I have posted a few answers on Yahoo Answers.   


My thoughts are that I suspect that not all will like the answer to one of the questions, that being about the stance of the Catholic church on contraception.
My view is that people are going to have sex outside marriage.  Ideally monogamy is going to be the best thing to reduce the risks of sexually transmitted diseases, but it is not for everyone.  And just because one person is monogamous, that does mean that the other person is going to be.

Anyway, Arsenal lost.  Not that it was a surprise.  At least we tried.  And I can pretend that the injuries that we have made a difference to the outcome.  I did not get to watch as much of the match as I would have liked.  My son wanted some attention, and considering that I hardly see him, how could I deny that to him.  And when my daughter got back from her party, she wanted to read to me, something I had to force her to do in the past.

Even when they drive me mad, I love them loads. 

Why Indian students are disliked in the US (I saw this posted by someone born in India who moved over a few years ago on an internet forum I am a member of a few days ago).

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?''

Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863' said Chandrasekhar.

The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.'

She heard a loud whisper: 'F ___ the Indians.'

'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. 'General Custer, 1862.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'

The teacher glares around and asks 'All right! Now, who said that?' Again, Chandrasekhar says, 'George H. W. Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'

Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997'.

Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.'

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're screwed!' And Chandrasekhar said quietly, 'I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008'.

What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen.

I would like to swear, but I am trying not to.

I tried to post an entry about the score in the game.  And also have a slight political rant.  But the post was lost!

Anyway, let me post the gist again.

Arsenal are 1-0 down against Chelski.  Drogba scored.  Again.  Git.  And it looked like we had a chance for a while.  Mind you, we often do look like that.

My reaction woke my son up who was sleeping next to me while his sister has gone to a birthday party with my wife.

So onto politics.


Liam Fox has had a letter he sent to David Cameron leaked.  In it he makes a very good point.  The Tories were elected saying they would protect the armed forces from cuts.  And now, with the spending cuts that the government are imposing, they look like they might risk the loss of a lot of political capital.  

But I guess I, like everyone else should wait to see what the outcome of the spending review will be.

My son told me he is a Morris dancer. I told him there's no need to make a song and dance about it.

Morning all. I am knackered. And guilty. And ill. I was meant to see my mother, cousin and her son this weekend as well.  

But I am not going to make the drive down to London to do so.  And in fact, feeling sorry for myself, I am probably going to go to bed.  I doubt I am going to feel much better either later today.  Arsenal are going to be thrashed by Chelski this weekend.  We had an excellent result during the week in the European Cup. (I refuse to call it the Champions League as many entrants are not champions, Arsenal included!)  Wenger thinks that we can win.  Which makes me laugh.  You never know, Jack Wilshere might be able to make the difference this time.  He has been amazing in the last few games and might be the key to unlocking Chelski.  



Anyway, I think I am adapting to work.  It is much harder than where I used to work, and in addition to going in early, I am having to go in on weekends.  It has taken me time to realise that, which means that I have a big backlog of work to get through, but I am confident I can do that. I would help if I was able to get myself out of bed to go in early to do that, but I am hoping that this week, I will start doing that.  If not, I am screwed!



Politics has been interesting in the last few weeks.  The Labour party has elected Red Ed and the Tories are laughing.  A move to the left for Labour means that the battleground between the big two parties looks like it will return to the old system that I grew up with.  Mind you, David Millband's election team underestimated Ed, and maybe the Tories will do the same.  I suspect though that the next election is one for the Tories to lose.  If they ruin the economy well, then they will get in.  If they ruin it, then I see Ed Milliband being the next Prime Minister.  As a champagne socialist (what others call me by the way, I love beer) I am in a win-win situation.  If the economy does well, then I will do better under a Conservative government.  If the coalition ruins things, then Labour will get in and have the chance to run the country for the benefit of all again.  Though to be fair, I want what is best for the nation.  If that means that Labour does not take power again, then so be it.  It is just that I do not see the Con-Dems as being the best for the nation.



On the bright side, the BNP are experiencing problems.  I guess it would have had more coverage in the news if not for the Labour Party conference and the soap opera with the two brothers.  But the party is going through a few challenges!  But that I am laughing.  Muhahahahahaha!  To be fair, they are a legal political party.  Though they are one that thrives on creating hatred and intolerance by spreading lies and creating fear.



Anyway, back to the kids.  My daughter seems to be doing well at school.  The girl who hates to read, loves to read at school.  Apparently the kids are put into different reading groups at school and my wife thinks that she has worked out which fruit is what.  And it appears that my daughter is in the clever group for reading!  My son at nursery is doing well.  They run a memory game there and he is the best at it.  In fact, when they run it, he gets bored getting everything right and leaves the group to play with the toys, shouting out the answers without looking and gets most of them right anyway!  He must get his memory from his mother as I have a crap one.



And now it is time for me to go.  I hope this makes you laugh!

A married man was visiting his "girlfriend" when she requested that he shave his beard. "Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face."
James replied, "My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!!"

"Oh please?" the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice...

"Oh really, I can't," he replies..."My wife loves this beard!!"

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in. That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she was sleeping.

The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies "Oh Michael, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon!"